Notes from the Field

You Belong Here

Growing up, my family uprooted us three kids often enough that I became accustomed to being the new kid. The outsider. I found friends among others on the periphery of belonging. I was so quiet the teacher would have to walk over and lean down to hear my whispered voice.

As an adult, after many deep dives into my own psyche, I now understand that I’m a highly sensory processing person. I take in information slowly and deeply because I’m constantly attuned to the world around me; sights, sounds, movements, even other people’s emotions, facial expressions, and body language. Back then, I was just labeled shy. Now I know I was simply overwhelmed. While others raced ahead to step 2 or 3 or 10, I was still trying to fully understand step 1.

In my years as an educator, I’ve met many children who feel this same pressure to respond quickly. To keep up. But when their brains need more time, or push back against the demand altogether, they shut down. They feel stupid. And then… they get left behind.

By third grade, most students have already formed a fixed relationship with math, whether positive or negative. In the U.S., our curriculum races to “cover” so many standards that the pressure trickles down from teachers to students, resulting in shallow learning, tenuous understanding, low confidence, and high anxiety. I’m guessing that resonates with many of you.

That recipe of low confidence and high anxiety baked on high heat (because then it cooks faster, right? Or does it collapse the soufflé?), doesn’t spark a love of learning. It leads to avoidance.

It’s certainly what happened to me.

I hated and avoided math until my mid-twenties. I hand-selected colleges that didn’t require math classes. (Spoiler: I still ended up having to take them, and they were awful.) I never had a math teacher I connected with (even in my teacher training) until my 40s, when I enrolled at Portland State for a post-graduate math instructional leadership program, and finally met a few amazing ones!

So why did I become a math educator? Because I’ve always followed my wonder. My curiosity is relentless.

I’ve always been the tortoise in my story, slow and steady, with many, many hares racing past me. But I’ve leaned into a growth mindset, and failure as an essential ingredient in the learning process. I believe we can learn new things at any age. I can do hard things. You can do hard things. And often, those hard things become the most meaningful parts of our lives.

So this is a bit of my voice, and a bit of my story. It’s also an invitation to turn toward the math in your life, not run from it. Even if you’re all grown up, that door isn’t locked. And I promise you, there’s some really cool stuff in there. Mind-blowing stuff.

With enough time, care, and support, you can learn anything you set your heart on. And so can your kids, especially if they see you doing it, too. JoyMath is my legacy project, and it’s just beginning. I’d love to show you around. Here is the door. I invite you to step through.